I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
