We won't sleep together?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
