Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
