Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
