How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
