Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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