I just threw up on my dentist
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
