Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
