I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience