On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
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WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
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Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.