just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.