in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME