you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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