it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
