at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
