So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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