he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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