She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
my poor anus
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
