Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
