it was like his penis was on wheels.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
