theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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