you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
