Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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