Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
