News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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