he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
