So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
