Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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