Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
