so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
