Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
is wine microwaveable?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
