party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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