I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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