No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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