I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
