when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
