so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
