This dress was meant to end up on your floor
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone