Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.

  (972): View more from Texas

  I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.

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  (214): I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had. (972): I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/y4qf
  Replies (13) Good night (2275) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.

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  (215): i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies. http://tfl.nu/atqm
  Replies (8) Good night (1721) Bad night (1059)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

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  (608): Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. http://tfl.nu/iq87
  Replies (19) Good night (5229) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!

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  (410): Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!! http://tfl.nu/gjd6
  Replies (8) Good night (4636) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?

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  (765): Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis? http://tfl.nu/def9
  Replies (21) Good night (1122) Bad night (3051)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star

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  (202): you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star http://tfl.nu/tu9p
  Replies (11) Good night (3674) Bad night (1071)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls

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  (317): Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls http://tfl.nu/a8qz
  Replies (60) Good night (1431) Bad night (6703)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."

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  (216): Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect." http://tfl.nu/19ko
  Replies (9) Good night (3052) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt

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  (787): Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt http://tfl.nu/aoj7
  Replies (4) Good night (3523) Bad night (1417)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us

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  (214): Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us http://tfl.nu/gb64
  Replies (13) Good night (1419) Bad night (2868)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.

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  (978): girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good. http://tfl.nu/jyv0
  Replies (4) Good night (1633) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES

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  (734): WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES http://tfl.nu/4qd7
  Replies (5) Good night (1532) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He used a "food city great value" card to cut it

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  (267): he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli (267): He used a "food city great value" card to cut it http://tfl.nu/fxwe
  Replies (2) Good night (332) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!

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  (902): My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??! http://tfl.nu/o8bu
  Replies (1) Good night (462) Bad night (232)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?

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  (785): Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion? http://tfl.nu/5gnr
  Replies (0) Good night (409) Bad night (181)

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