my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.