you turned your livingroom into a bong?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
