Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
