It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible