Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.