Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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