Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
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It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
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In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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