Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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