i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
