i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
