I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
