And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
