Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize