Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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