Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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