You just made me feel so damn special
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
