I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
