I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
