She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
