She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize