I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
birth control should be required to get into college
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
