and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
