You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
