Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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