I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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