Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
