what if every blade of grass was a penis?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
19 Totally Clueless People That’ll Make You Say ‘Bless Your Heart’
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
30 Times Ryan Reynolds’ Replies Were The Funniest Thing On Twitter
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.