I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize