I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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