u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
