Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
