Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
