Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
