Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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