I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
