And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
