I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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