beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
