Who wears a wallet chain?!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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