Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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