I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
