I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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