i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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