I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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